Today I made a decision….
I chose me.
ALL of me.
My amazing skills, abilities and talents.
My quirky ways.
My body, my mind, my soul.
My way of viewing life.
My way of rambling on and on while at the same time wondering if I am even making complete sense.
My love for all things fancy, sparkly and luxury.
My desire to change the world in only the way I can.
My desire for a shit ton of money.
My desire to see ALL of the world.
Simply put ALL OF ME!!!
I had a FTS moment today as I got really fed up with not really saying or speaking my full truth.
I found myself feeling like I haven’t really been going all in with a lot of the things that are really desire to speak on.
And for that matter I felt like I haven’t really been going ALL in with both of my businesses.
I went for a walk this afternoon after I picked my daughter up after school and all the ways that I played small throughout my life started running through my mind like a movie reel.
I thought about all the times that I had been teased when I was younger and how I thought that being the person that everyone thought I should be was the way.
I remember being teased in middle school because they said I sounded “white.” I remember being really confused because I had no idea that “white” was a way of speaking.
You see I had just moved from Ohio down to Georgia and apparently a black girl who spoke proper English and enunciated her words was weird.
I remember being teased because of the way I walked. Kids would say that I twisted too much.
Even as a grown woman I had another grown woman stop me and say “honey you don’t have to do it that hard.” with a displeasing look on her face.
It took me a minute to register what she meant but she was saying that I was twisting too hard. Really??
Then there was the medical director that I used to work with who, upon me being introduced to him, asked me (in a tone of disbelieve) what my level of education was.
When I told him he proceeded to say that there weren’t many woman at all like me who were of color that had that level of education. He was so surprised. Again really??
Then there was the doctor whose practice I managed, that literally yelled at me in my face and then when I walked out on him and straight to my manager she tells me that I should just get used to it and that I must have thick skin.
All of these moments reinforced a belief within me that I held since childhood – I wasn’t good enough. I need to be more like (insert the worlds way of being here) in order to be enough and accepted.
So as I reflected back on these moments and many others I saw myself clearly choosing to show up in a way that made others more comfortable.
I wouldn’t ask for what I really wanted.
I chose to play small and not speak up when I felt some kind of way about something.
I was scared to wear my hair natural to work because it didn’t fit the mold of how you were supposed to look.
I chose to just put a smile on my face and pretend that all was okay.
So when I had my – enough is enough – moment today I realized that by me not really saying the thing that is in my heart and soul I am essentially doing the very same thing that I was doing back then.
Playing small. Being afraid of just simply being me because what if I make certain people uncomfortable.
What if I cause my family to not like me?
What if my Dad reads what I write? What if my stepmom reads what I write? What if my husband reads what I write? What if my clients read what I write?
And then that little girl inside of me would get scared, run and hide.
It was my way of protecting myself.
But what I realized today is that I will not allow myself to create the life or business that I truly desire if I do not allow all of my soul to be seen by the world.
You see when you decide to not give a flip what others think about you it is pure freedom and liberation.
I’ve always known that I’ve been a little different in the way I think and in the way I choose to see life.
I’ve always know that I was not meant to live life the way 99% of the world does.
I just didn’t want to create any confrontation or make anyone upset or uncomfortable.
But what kept coming through me today is that however people respond to me has NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with what the other person has going on within them.
I have come to peace with the fact that I must let my message be whatever it is. Some days it may come out all nice and proper and aligned with the work that I do in this world and other days it may come out messy, raw and confronting.
But you see I think this is what makes soulful truth so beautiful.
I am human. You are human. So from day to day we are not the same being. So as such why should our messaging be this proper, tight, fit in a box with a bow kind of thing?
I desire to connect with my audience on a deep, vulnerable and real level.
Yes, I am a coach however that doesn’t mean I am perfect and that’s quite alright.
You don’t need to be perfect in order to do the work you are meant to do in this world.
So from this day forward I CHOOSE ME, ALL OF ME!
I invite you to do the same.
No more being afraid to speak my mind, I mean just like everyone else in this world, what I have to say is important too.
No more feeling like I’m not a real Christian if I say a cuss word in my blog posts (yes this has been a real fear of mine). I mean really??
As if God has some kind of large whiteboard in heaven with ticks beside your name for every time you say a cuss word or use the abbreviation for a cuss word.
I am excited for this journey back to Kendra and exploring all the hidden places within me that I’ve covered out because I was afraid to let them be seen by the light.
Do you feel the calling to be more in your truth? Do you feel your soul scraping at the surface of your being to be let out?
Let her free my love. Step into your magnificent and let the world see your light. For we are all light and meant to shine bright like a diamond in all our multi-faceted ways.
I love you,
The Mindset Queen
P.S. ~ If you are ready to choose you I would love for you to me one of the amazing women that I work with 1:1 over the next few months.
I have just a few spots left for the women who are ready to shift into the highest and best version of who they are.
Women who are ready to create the life and business that they desire.
Women who are ready to breakthrough their perceived limitations and shine.
Women who are ready to receive money, clients & confidence.
If this is you and you’re ready to allow change and growth then message me now!